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Saturday, April 29, 2017

Weight Loss Journey :The Start

Follow my blog with Bloglovin Nothing is wrong with loving yourself so much that you have to put yourself above others. I had to make a decision to do just that. After getting with Julian's dad I saw a plateau in my self esteem and my appearance. I mean I figure that would be something that would happen since it is tied together. I use to make myself look pretty everyday. Crazy even if I had no plans I was ready for whatever was thrown at me. My confidence was so high. I was 105 with a serious thigh gap.  Size 0 jeans you name it that was me. Once I got into a relationship I got comfortable, my weight went up drastically. I hopped from one jean size to another. From a 0 to a 3, then I got pregnant and I went back down to a size 3. I was okay I was happy with my size the only issue I had then was my tummy. I told myself no more children, that would be the death of my shape. Yeah I know it was selfish for me to think like that, that's the price some women pay to bring a child into the world. Why do we gain the weight, the stretchmarks, and the permanent evidence that we carried a whole watermelon?  I was content with my body though even with that. I even started working out.

I got pregnant AGAIN. I was so depressed. I didn't care about anything really. I made sure I got up and handled my business to make sure my child was okay, fed, clothes was clean, that he was clean. That was it. I did this over and over and over again . Plus, my eating habits are a mother, something I have a hard time curving... comes with the depression I guess. It really took a toll when I decided not to keep the baby. I ended up so depressed. I contemplated suicide. I tried. I wasn't me outside or inside. I was so sad and upset at the way my life was going. Once I got out of that relationship I met someone else and that relationship went south fast , and that would have been okay because it happens. I was pregnant again. I told myself no more abortions. I couldn't handle that mentally so I birth a beautiful baby boy.

I'm grateful for my two boys but the way my body looks makes me a little disgusted. I let myself go. Its time for me to do something about it. This is the start.


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